这部电影在看第一遍的时候，将精力大致集中在了台词文本上，再看第二遍的时候，才更多地关注剧情、构图、场景、心理活动等内容。

或许是因为男女思维方式不同地原因，发现在捕捉演员情感细微之处，女导演所呈现出来的画面往往更加细腻，自然。尤其是像这种文本性又很强的女同性恋片，它的一字一句，每个画面所对应的电影镜头或许都只是冰山一角。而导演要做的就是让观众透过画面的冰山一角窥探其全貌。

在我看来，本片的导演恰恰做到了这点。

怀着对这部电影的喜爱之情，以及对文本台词的浓厚兴趣，遂将阿比盖尔日记中的台词整理下来。

Tuesday, January, 1st, 1856

Fair and very cold.This morning,ice in our bedroom for the first time all winter.

（天气晴朗而寒冷，我发现卧室结冰了，这是今年的第一次）

The water froze on the potatoes as soon as they were washed.With little pride,and less hope, we begin the new year.

（土豆刚洗好上面水就结成了冰.没有一丝锐气，也不抱任何希望,新的一年又开始了）

On the porch after sunup,I could hear the low chirping of sparrows in the hedgerows that are now buried in the snow.

（站在日出的门廊，我能听到麻雀的声音，它们在雪中的树篱上低鸣）

Dyer has maintained that with good health,and a level head,there is always an excellent chance for a farmer willing to work.

（戴尔一直坚信，只要有好的身体，保持头脑冷静，那么勤勉的农民就一定会有好运降临）

He feel he can never fully rid himself of his burdens.And I’m certain that because his mind is in such a bad state,it affects his whole system.

（他觉得自己永远也无法摆脱那些负担.我敢肯定，那是因为他的精神状态很差，这影响了 他整个人）

He told me this morning that contentment was like a friend he never gets to see.

（他今天早晨告诉我，满足对他来说遥不可及）

Since our acquisition of this farm,my husband had kept a ledger to help him see the year whole.

（自从收购了这个农场，我丈夫就开始记账，为理清一年的财务情况）

This way he knows what each crop and field pays from year to year.

（这样他就知道每年每种作物，每块地的收成）

And Dyer has asked me to keep a diary of matters that might otherwise go overlooked.....

（戴尔当我写好备忘录，避免忘记一些事情）

From tools lent out to bills outstanding.That I have done.

（像是借出的工具或者未付的账单我一直在写）

But there would be no record in these dull and simple pages of the most passionate circumstances of our seasons past.

（但这些单调而简约的记录从来没有记录我们真正重要的事，我们过去的岁月）

No record of our emotions or fears.Our greatest joys.Our most piercing sorrows.

（没有记录过我们的心绪，我们的恐惧，我们的幸福，我们刺骨的悲伤）

With our child,it was as if I’d found my bearings.But I too rarely told her that she was our treasure.

（有了孩子后，我仿佛找到了人生的意义，但是我很少告诉她，她是我们的珍宝）

She often seemed separate from us,as if she was working at just fitting in where she could.

（她很独立，好像在努力适应身边的一切）

There is something so affecting about mute and motionless grief and illness in a child so young.

（有些事情如此令人心痛，她小小的身体经历着无言而凝滞的忧伤和病痛）

She put her arms around me and said nothing else.But it felt like we were speaking.

（她双臂环抱着我，什么也没说，但又像什么都说了）

I have become my grief

（我沉溺在悲伤之中）

Sunday, February, 3th

“Welcome sweet day of rest”,says the hymn.

（“迎接幸福的安息”，赞美诗是这样写的）

And Sunday is most welcome for it’s few hours of quiet ease.

（星期天是最受欢迎的，因为大家可以享受片刻安宁）

As for me ,I no longer attend.After the calamity of Nellie’s loss,what calm I enjoy.

（至于我，我不再参加了，在失去了内莉后，我想获得安宁）

does not derive from the notion of a better world to come.

（不是为了未来或者死后的天堂）

I want to purchase an atlas.

（我想买本地图集）

Monday, February ,4th

Why is ink like fire?Because it is a good servant,and a hard master.

（为什么说墨石是火？你能驾驭它，它就是忠仆，你不能驾驭，它就是难缠的魔鬼）

My self-education seems the only way to keep my unhappiness from overwhelming me

（我不断学习，好像只有这样才能从悲伤中保持自我）

She saw I had noticed her hair,and admitted she had been vain about it as a girl.

（她看到我注意到了她的头发，她承认，从小她就对自己的头发感到自豪）

She said that back then,she’d worn it longer and plaited in a bun at the back of her head.

（她说那时候他的头发比现在长，然后在后脑勺上扎个马尾）

In the winter sun through the window,her skin had an underflush of rose and violet.

（冬日的阳光透过窗户，她的皮肤呈现出玫瑰和紫罗兰的颜色）

which so disconcerted me that I had to look away.

（它使我如此不安，以至于我不得不把目光移开）

As always,when it came to speaking and attempting to engage another’s affections,circumstances doomed me to striving and anxiety.

（像往常一样，当我想说话或者试图吸引别人注意力的时候，我总是对周围一切感到焦虑）

From my earliest,I was like a pot-bound root,all curled in upon itself.

（从少年时代起，我就像一颗长在锅里的树，所有根全部蜷缩在一小块空间）

Thursday, February ,14th

Dyer’s third night with the fever.

（戴尔发烧的第三个晚上）

I’ve restored him somewhat with an enema of molasses,warm water and lard.Also a drop of turpentine next to his nose.

（我尝试让他舒服些，试了灌肠治疗，用糖浆 温水 和猪油灌肠，还在他的鼻子滴了松节油）

I spent the day reconsidering my conversation with Tallie

（我花了一整天回忆我和胎莉的谈话）

We compared childhood beds......Mine in which the straw was always breaking up and thinning out.And hers,which was as hard,she claimed,as the Pharaoh’s heart.

（我们比较了小时候的床，我的床是稻草的，总是散架，很松软.她说，她的床非常硬,像法老王的心一样）

Her manner is sweet and clam and gracious.And yet her spirits seem to quicken,at the prospect of further conversation with me

（她的举止甜美 平静 亲切 ，还有她的精神似乎在变好,希望能和我进一步交谈）

I find that everything I wish to tell her loses its eloquence in her presence

（我发现我有很多想说的在她面前说不出口了）

Tuesday, February ,19th

My reluctance seems to have become his shame.His nighttime pleasure,which were never numerous,have curtailed even more.

（我的不情愿似乎成了他的耻辱.他本来就不多的晚间娱乐时光甚至变得更少了）

And I have so far refused to engage his persistence on the subject of another child

（到目前为止，我一直拒绝接受他在另一个孩子的问题上执着的追求）

Monday, February ,25th

Finney and Tallie’s bond confounds me.At tines,when their eyes meet,they seem yoked in opposition to one another,while at other times,there seems a shared regard.

（芬尼和泰莉的关系使我困惑.有时，当他们的目光相遇，他们看起来像敌人，而在其他时间，似乎有一个共识）

There is something going on between us that I cant unravel.

（我们之间发生了一些我无法想明白的事）

The great storm began with a faint groaning in the northeast. It was like a noise of a locomotive.

（大风暴开始了，东北方向传来微弱的呻吟声，那声音就像火车发出的噪声）

Monday, March ,17th

Half the chickens are lost.I dug ice and snow from their dead open mouths in an attempt to revive them.

（一半的鸡都死了，我从他们半开的嘴里挖出冰和雪，试图救活他们）

The Widow Weldon’s son,on his rounds,reported that Tallie had gotten home sately,with ,he thought,only a bit of frostbite.

（威尔顿寡妇的儿子，在他巡逻的时候，告诉我泰莉已经安全到家了.他觉得泰莉只是有点冻伤）

Thursday, April ,10th

Biscuits and dried mackerel for breakfast.Dyer has augmented the padding in the cattle pens with his hoardings of maple leaves and old straw.

（我们早餐吃了饼干和干鲭鱼，戴尔给牛栏里补充了一些稻草，还用枫叶和干稻草做了一个临时栏杆）

It always seems that Tallie will never appear.But I remind myself that time and the needle wear through the longest morning.And I have noted that when she does arrive，my heart is like a leaf

Borne over a rock by rapidly moving water.

（似乎泰莉永远不会再出现了，但我数着日子，用针线活打发漫漫清晨.我意识到，当她真的到来时，我的心就像一片落叶被湍急的水流推向了岩石）

Saturday, April ,12th

I spent the last two days...Very damp,cloudy and cool.Smoky.Perhaps the forest is somewhere on fire.

（过去这两天，空气是潮湿的，多云的，凉爽的，如烟雾般的，也许森林深处着火了）

Monday, April ,14th

A terrible bad spring so far,but the clover has come up through it,and is all right

（到目前为止，这都是一个糟糕透顶的春天，但是三叶草已经长了出来，还不错）

Thursday, April ,17th

Rain in torrents nearly all night.The lane is flooded and the ditches brim full.

（倾盆大雨几乎下了整夜，巷子被淹了，水沟也溢满了）

This morning,only a slight shower.Tallie came later than her usual time today.She offered no explanation.

（今天早上只有毛毛细雨，泰莉今天比平时来得晚，她没有做出任何解释）

Tuesday, April ,22th

I felt,looking at her expression,as if she were in full on a flood tide,while I bodded along down backward.And yet,I never say on her countenance the indifference of fortunate towards the less fortunate.

（我能感觉到，从她的表情中感觉到，她好像乘着风速般极速前进着，然而我却在倒退,然而，我从未从她的脸上看出幸运之人对不幸之人的漠不关心）

Friday, April ,25th

Astonishment and joy,Astonishment and joy,Astonishment and joy,

（惊喜与喜悦，惊喜与喜悦，惊喜与喜悦）

Friday, May ,30th

The sunshine streaming through the branches makes a tremendous farrago of light and shade.We hold our friendship between us and study it,as if were the incomplete map of our escape.

（阳光穿过树枝，明暗交错,我们保持着友谊，逐渐深入,就好像那是我们逃跑的残缺地图）

When the day is done,my mind turns to her,and I think,with a special heat.

（一天结束，我的思绪飞向了她，还带着一股特殊的激情）

“Why are we to be separated?”

（“为什么我们注定要分开？”）

When she left,I was like a skiff at sea with neither hand nor helm to guide it.

（她离开的时候，我就像是海上的小船没有手也没有舵来引导）

Sunday, June,8th

All afternoon,a hawk has been using a single cloud above us as its own parasol.

（整个下午，一只鹰一直在用我们头顶上的云当做自己的遮阳伞）

Our whole house now seems both angry and repentant.God help us.

（我们全家现在看起来记愤怒又后悔.上帝保佑我们）

When three days went by without a word from her.I stole over to her house to look on her from what I imagined to be a vantage point of perfect safety.

（三天过去了，她一点消息也没有，我悄悄地来到她家附近一处我认为绝对安全的高地看她）

By turning the lens piece,I could draw her face hearer,and hold it there until she turned away.

（通过运转镜头，我能清楚的看到她的脸，并保持这个位置，直到她转身离开）

Her image provoked a sensation in me like the violence that sends a floating branch far out over a waterfall’s precipice before it plummets.

（她的形象在我心中激起了千层浪就像一根漂浮的树木在有悬崖的瀑布上突然下降.

Monday, June,9th

Merciful father...Turn the channel of events.

（仁慈的天父，转动了命运的齿轮）

Wednesday, June,11th

Dyer has been silent all day,and I was happy to be left in my solitude.

（戴尔一整天都沉默不语，但我很高兴自己能待着）

My mother once told me in a fury when I was a little girl that my father asked nothing of her except that she work in the garden,harvest the produce,preserve the fruit,tend the poultry, milk the cows,manage the household duties,and help out in the fields when needed.

（我还是个小女孩的时候，母亲曾怒气冲冲的告诉我，我父亲除了让她在花园里工作对她毫无要求，收获果实，保存果实，照料家禽，给奶牛挤奶,管理家务，在需要的时候帮助他们.）

She said she appeared in his ledger only when she purchased a dress.

（她说只有在买衣服的时候才会出现在他的账本上）

And how have things changed?Daughters are married off so young that everywhere you look a slender and unwilling girl is being forced to stem a sea of tribulations,before she is even full-grown in height.

（事情是如何改变的，女儿们这么年轻就嫁人了，到处都是苗条又不情愿的女孩被迫去阻止一片苦难的海洋.甚至在她身高发育完全之前）

The Mannings’ oldest daughter tipped over an oil lamp and it set the house ablaze.

（曼宁家的长女翻倒了一盏油灯，然后房子就着火了）

From the house by the flames,she heard calla from her sister who was trapped in the upper loft.

（被救出来之前，她听到被困在阁楼里妹妹的呼救声）

Back at the table.Tallie kept strict custody of her eyes.Her husband’s mood seemed to have darkened.He served the pastries and creams himself,leaving only her plate empty.

（回到桌子上，泰莉一直控制住自己不四处乱瞟.她丈夫的情绪似乎变得阴沉起来.他亲自端上糕点和奶油.只有她的盘子是空的）

Saturday, June,21th

My heart a maelstrom.My head a bedlam.A whole week an no visit from Tallie.No word.

（我的心是个大漩涡，我的脑袋一片混乱，整整一个星期，泰莉都没来看我，也没有她的消息）

My anxieties often force me to stop my work.and pace the house like an inmate.I have to see her.

（我太焦虑了，没法干活，我像个囚犯一样在屋子里踱步，我必须见到她）

Monday, June,23rd

Dyer said Mrs. Nottoway recalled spotting their caravan on the county road in the late evening,heading northwest.She believed she spied Tallie’s figure alongside her husband’s but was unsure.

（戴尔说诺托维夫人有看到他们的大篷车，深夜里沿着乡间小路上往西北方向去了.她觉得她看到了泰莉的身影，和她丈夫一起，但是又不确定.）

A hired hand,she thought,was driving the second wagon.

（她觉得有一个雇工正在驾驶第二辆马车）

Sunday, June,29th

I spotted the sheriff on his way to church.I conveyed my accusations,to no response.

（我在警长去教堂的时候碰到了他，我向他报告了此事，但没有得到回应.

Dyer said that no one would investigate a crime without evidence that a crime had been committed.

（戴尔说没有人会调查一起没有证据证明的罪犯）

I refused to calm myself.so he tied me to a chair and administered laudanum.

（我拒绝冷静下来，所以他把我绑在椅子上，给我注射鸦片酊）

Monday, June,30th

Bleary and short of breath from the laudanum...I wake weeping,retire weeping,stand before my duties weeping.

（因为鸦片酊使我精神不济，呼吸急促，我哭着醒来，哭着睡去，哭着看着我要干的活）

Sunday, July,6th

I am a library without books,a sea of fear,agitation and want

（我是一座没有书的图书馆，我是恐惧，焦虑和欲望的海洋）

Dyer speaks of how much we have for which to be grateful.I sit violently conscious of ticking clock while he weeps at what he imagines to be his own poor,forgotten self.

（戴尔说我们有很多值得感激的东西，当他为自己想象中的，可怜的，被遗忘的自我哭泣时，我坐在那只觉得滴答作响的闹钟吵得厉害）

Wednesday, July,9th

Despite some hours without the laudanum,I was so befogged and wild with grief,that Dyer left me for the afternoon.unsettled and way or my state.

（尽管有一个小时没有打鸦片酊，我还是如此迷茫，如此悲伤.戴尔今天下午没有管我.对我的处境感到不安和担心）

Tuesday, July,22nd

收到来信

Abigail,Abigail,Abigail.I’m sorry that all I have to send you is this letter, and I’m sorry for all that a letter cannot be.Even the best letter is just a little bit of someone.I’m sorry I never dot to say goodbye,and I’m sorry that we seem to have traded one sort of misery for another.It turns out that houses deep in the backwoods always seem to be awful and unnatural in their loneliness.If there were only a ruined abbey around there with bats in it,the view would be pertect.Our roof is ramshackle and sheds water nicely in dry weather,but we have to spread milk pans around the floor when it rains.Still,outside the kitchen,there are already anemones and heart’s-ease,and even prettier flowers which my stupidity keeps me from naming for you.I believe I’ve enjoyed myself less these last few weeks than any other female who ever lived.During what little time I have to my self,Finney reads aloud instructions for wives from the Old Testament.But when it comes to the Bible,I have to say that there are a lot of passages he may know word for word,but which haven’t touched his heart.I can’t account for his state of mind except to say that my company must be intensely disagreeable to him.And if that’s the case,I’m sorry for it.

What’s to become of the thousands of our sex,scattered out in the wilderness,and obliged to tax our strengths?I felt as if,at that selfsame hour when our prospects were brightest,that in the dim distance a black shadow approached.And yet still,imagine the happiest for us of the sort in which who two families previously at daggers drawn are miraculously brought together on love’s account.It is your face I bear trough the night.It is to you I devote a dreaming space before I turn myself to sleep,but there is no sleep.It’s as if within me everything clamors for air,and I think if it’s like this now,what will it be like later?I send you what love and support I can.I send you all my heart’s hopes.Abigail.

Please know that force alone couldn’t have gotten me here to a place like this.I was told I had to act in support of interest,happiness and the reputation of someone I once loved.

（请记住，只靠蛮力是不可能把我带到这样的地方来的.我被告知我必须采取行动来维护.我曾经爱过的人的利益，幸福和名誉）

As far as I can figure,we’re now still only about 85miles apart.But of course,people like us don’t go on long visits.

（据我所知，我们现在距离只有85英里,但是当然，像我们这样的人是不能出远门的）

Dyer refused first to permit my departure,and then to accompany me,and only caught up to the cart at the end of our property and climbed aboard.We were the very picture of anguish,rattling along side by side .

（戴尔先是拒绝我的离开，然后跟着我，追上了马车，我们用尽钱财，爬上了船.我们就是痛苦的真实写照，肩并着肩摇摇晃晃）

The night was fair and warm with the appearance of a coming rain.A shower.

（那天天气晴朗，暖和，似乎要下雨了.下的是阵雨）

It’s so hard to write about hoe much I want to thank you,but I have to set start somewhere.Abigail...I want to tell you that being with you,even alone,has been like being a part of the biggest and most spacious community I could ever imagine.

（很难写出我有多么感谢你，但我必须开个头,阿比盖尔...我想告诉你，跟你在一起，即使是一个人，也像是成为了我能想象到的最大最宽敞的社区一员）

I feel closer to you than I would a sister since everything amazing that I feel.I chose to feel.

（我和你比和亲姐妹还要亲，因为我感受到了那些美妙的事物.我选择去感受）

And do you know what memory it is that I most cherish?

（你知道我最珍贵的回忆是什么吗）

It’s of you turning to me with that smile you gave me，once you realized that you were loved.

（是你意识到我爱你时你转向我报之以微笑）

I have no way of knowing what is to come,but I do know that all of the trust.and care and courage we shared that will all shine on us,and protect us.You are my city of joy.

（我无法知道将会发生什么，但我知道，我们彼此之间的,相互信任，相互关心，相互鼓励，都会照耀我们，保护我们）

You are my city of joy.You are my city of joy.

（你是我的欢乐之城，你是我的欢乐之城）

Sunday, August,31st

Weather very hot and sunny.I cleaned out the shed,which was full of rusty and dusty rubbish.

（天气炎热，阳光明媚，我把棚子打扫干净了，那里到处都是生锈的，满是灰尘的垃圾）

Washed the window,and preserved apples for the winter.Fourteen dollars from the sale of our milk and butter.

（擦洗过窗户，把苹果封起来过冬，我们的牛奶的=和黄油卖出去14美元）

I have cut my hand with a paring knife.I console myself with the conviction that someday in the future when Dyer is forced to travel to Syracuse for feed or supplies,I will join him,and take his rifle and go to Skaneateles and kill Finney where he sits.

（我的手被削皮刀割伤了，我以坚定的信念安慰自己如果未来某一天戴尔不得不前往锡拉库扎寻找食物和生活用品，我会和他一起带着他的步枪去斯卡尼阿特勒斯杀了芬尼）

Dyer has been at work on the barn.Each day,we enact our separation.Sometimes after it gets dark,we walk over the hills across our upper fields ,for the wide,wide view.

（戴尔一直在谷仓工作，每一天，我们之间的隔阂都在扩大，有时天黑以后，我们翻山越岭，穿过高地，为了有广阔的视野）

And Dyer tries to imagine us as we were,while I try to imagine Tallie,and that cordial and accepting home that existed solely in our dreams.

（戴尔试图想象我们还是原来的样子，但我想着泰莉，和那种亲切又包容的家庭，可惜这一切只存在于我们的梦中）

I imagine Tallie and Nellie somewhere together.and Nellie running her brush through Tallie’s hair.

（我想象着某个地方，泰莉和内莉在一起，内莉用梳子梳着泰莉的头发）

I imagine banishing forever those sentiments of my own that she chastened and refined.

（我想象着永远放逐那些由她切磋琢磨而成的我的情感）

I imagine resolving to do what I can for Dyer.

（我想象着我下定决心要为戴尔尽我所能）

And I imagine continuing to write in this ledger,here,as though this was my life.

（我想象着继续在这本账簿上写下去，在这里，好像这就是我的生活）

As though my life was not elsewhere.

（好像我的生活不在别处）