你有想过给自己的母亲或者奶奶化一次妆吗?一位阿姨说,这是她人生第一次化妆,结婚的时候都没有这么打扮过。爱美是女人的天性,可是那些生活在乡村,为了家庭辛苦操劳了一辈子的女性一生都在付出,却往往忽略了自己。湖南双牌的化妆师周文娟用自己在城市学到的技能,回到乡村帮助辛苦一辈子的乡村女性化妆,唤醒乡村女性本能的美与自信。
你有想过给自己的母亲或者奶奶化一次妆吗?一位阿姨说,这是她人生第一次化妆,结婚的时候都没有这么打扮过。爱美是女人的天性,可是那些生活在乡村,为了家庭辛苦操劳了一辈子的女性一生都在付出,却往往忽略了自己。湖南双牌的化妆师周文娟用自己在城市学到的技能,回到乡村帮助辛苦一辈子的乡村女性化妆,唤醒乡村女性本能的美与自信。
这部剧延续了国产偶像剧一贯的水平T_T。而且和泰剧《玻钻之争》出奇的像啊!只是比《玻钻之争》烂了很多而已。其实对于电视剧抄袭,我虽然讨厌,但只要超越原剧也可以忍受(反正又不是我抄袭,好看就行@x@)这部剧一直是我妈在追,还为剧情哭过几次,说实话《遇见爱情的利先生》的确引起了我的思考。国产剧这么烂(部分)演员演技的确有待提高,可编剧呢?演员又不是智障,让他们说那些狗血又脑残的台词谁能真正被感动
这部剧延续了国产偶像剧一贯的水平T_T。而且和泰剧《玻钻之争》出奇的像啊!只是比《玻钻之争》烂了很多而已。其实对于电视剧抄袭,我虽然讨厌,但只要超越原剧也可以忍受(反正又不是我抄袭,好看就行@x@)这部剧一直是我妈在追,还为剧情哭过几次,说实话《遇见爱情的利先生》的确引起了我的思考。国产剧这么烂(部分)演员演技的确有待提高,可编剧呢?演员又不是智障,让他们说那些狗血又脑残的台词谁能真正被感动入戏啊?!那些被用烂了的剧情套路,背台词都会容易很多,因为翻来覆去就那几句??。而且剧情拖拉,磨磨唧唧……
女主圣母人设照耀全局,你一次又一次伤害我,可我就是爱你原谅你感化你不会伤害你(我不是喷冬叔,她演技不错)。男主坏脾气霸道总裁上线,反面角色智商为负,无理取闹的尴尬。
之前拍过太多烂片...其实也不能说是烂片 是那种不看觉得有点可惜 看了又后悔的片子 阿金斯除了在大制作里跑龙套 而自己主演的片子只可惜成本低到只能靠碟片发行没上影院,场景给人看起来感觉很廉价,还有杀手集团里的毒药师还有眼镜佬,看开头介绍他们时说的很牛逼,结果遇到咱们的主角只是战斗力只有5的渣渣
之前拍过太多烂片...其实也不能说是烂片 是那种不看觉得有点可惜 看了又后悔的片子 阿金斯除了在大制作里跑龙套 而自己主演的片子只可惜成本低到只能靠碟片发行没上影院,场景给人看起来感觉很廉价,还有杀手集团里的毒药师还有眼镜佬,看开头介绍他们时说的很牛逼,结果遇到咱们的主角只是战斗力只有5的渣渣
把这部电影的狠戾外化到无限大,我们每一个人都是穷凶极恶但其实永远不会打赢某种东西的废物。这很像是非洲大草原上的鬣狗和狮子,鬣狗长相凶狠,成群结队觅食。但它们一旦侵犯到狮群,勇猛的公狮会以迅雷不及掩耳之势狂傲地咬死鬣狗们。“大圈仔”怀揣着不切实际的梦想冒险来香港淘金,但香港根本不是金钱天堂,这里密布着凶险。虽然“大圈帮”能够在香港黑社会拥有一个难能可贵的席位,但他们出身远不及香港本土古惑仔那般
把这部电影的狠戾外化到无限大,我们每一个人都是穷凶极恶但其实永远不会打赢某种东西的废物。这很像是非洲大草原上的鬣狗和狮子,鬣狗长相凶狠,成群结队觅食。但它们一旦侵犯到狮群,勇猛的公狮会以迅雷不及掩耳之势狂傲地咬死鬣狗们。“大圈仔”怀揣着不切实际的梦想冒险来香港淘金,但香港根本不是金钱天堂,这里密布着凶险。虽然“大圈帮”能够在香港黑社会拥有一个难能可贵的席位,但他们出身远不及香港本土古惑仔那般游刃有余。大圈仔的不顾一切只因他们没有根基,越是贫穷越是对财富如饥似渴,甚至不惜以生命为代价换取一百万人民币。大圈仔的团结只在觅食时体现,一旦觅食结束,大家便都心怀鬼胎。电影中大圈仔的核心人物“东哥”,他发觉香港并不是大圈仔的香港,但他没有意识到,内地也并非大圈仔的内地,他们叱咤风云、为自由和理想穿梭于枪林弹雨的日子早已过去。如果过度阐释的话,大圈仔们在行动一开始潜意识里是期待死在香港的。丧家犬的命运丧家犬心知肚明,只是人总会对未来抱有一丝幻想——这正是大圈仔最可悲的地方。
前两集女主霸凌人设真的恶心。
虽然这个人设很新颖,也可以美名其曰“保护朋友的山大王人设”。
但小时候花式欺负男主,这真不是开玩笑,也不是小孩子不懂事,真的会给人留下阴影的。长大了跟小时候的性格一模一样完全没改变,一点也不觉得有什么讨喜的,也不知道为啥男主会喜欢上。
被霸凌的人根本不可能会喜欢上霸凌者吧。这个感情就很怪异,又不是什么斯德哥尔摩。被霸凌如男主到
前两集女主霸凌人设真的恶心。
虽然这个人设很新颖,也可以美名其曰“保护朋友的山大王人设”。
但小时候花式欺负男主,这真不是开玩笑,也不是小孩子不懂事,真的会给人留下阴影的。长大了跟小时候的性格一模一样完全没改变,一点也不觉得有什么讨喜的,也不知道为啥男主会喜欢上。
被霸凌的人根本不可能会喜欢上霸凌者吧。这个感情就很怪异,又不是什么斯德哥尔摩。被霸凌如男主到大学都无法忘怀,反而女主还一直以为自己小时候对他很好?还一直心安理得地开开心心的长大?真的是憨批。
我甚至怀疑作者根本没体验过霸凌,能写出这样扭曲的爱情。
只能说男主真的超善良,即使欺负也是开个小玩笑。女主在澡堂没说出去,在更衣室也护着没让大家看到。
刚刚看到有人说女主性格分裂,我觉得说的真是太对了。虽然一个人是多面体,不是扁平化的,但女主一边天使过头各种高光时刻,一边性格恶劣各种做坏事真的很矛盾。
我想小说里这么写应该是很甜的(听说是搞笑风格,或许观感不一样)但是电视剧真的拍出校园暴力的感觉,用力过猛??真是太可惜了本哥这么帅片尾曲也好听拍摄手法也不错,因为憨批女主变得没那么好看。
“I got into the law because it mattered.In a world where there was so much nihilism and cynicism, the law was a crystal guide, a path forward.But every day, the world chips away at this.Lawyers get
“I got into the law because it mattered.In a world where there was so much nihilism and cynicism, the law was a crystal guide, a path forward.But every day, the world chips away at this.Lawyers get more cynical. People pay off judges. They threaten them, or the judges just give in. And then there's nothing. Emptiness.What is injustice?It's people... Giving up.”
万万没想到,藤岡桑还演过香港动作片。而且这电影很懒,好多角色都用了演员原名。
“我是皇家香港警察,我叫杨丽青。“
“我是日本刑警,我叫藤岡弘”
这种对话实在是太奇异了。藤岡桑这次的角色又是个樱井哲夫翻版。其实我感觉他最经典的银幕形象倒不是假面骑士
万万没想到,藤岡桑还演过香港动作片。而且这电影很懒,好多角色都用了演员原名。
“我是皇家香港警察,我叫杨丽青。“
“我是日本刑警,我叫藤岡弘”
这种对话实在是太奇异了。藤岡桑这次的角色又是个樱井哲夫翻版。其实我感觉他最经典的银幕形象倒不是假面骑士,而是失德警察,从白牙之后就时常自我复刻。遗憾的是本片里的复刻十分失败。这种挑战一般观念的复杂角色没有一定的篇幅和细致的刻画是写不好的,并不适合出现在武大于文的港式快餐电影中。更何况本片中藤岡的戏份是吃重的,但光彩是留给女主角的。于是一个无谋冒进,罔顾一般市民安全的“疯子”便出现了。
比较好玩的是白牙里有光一言不发地把手枪手铐和警官证交给上司独自离去;这里经过上司的训话,刑警藤岡把手枪手铐和警官证又收回来了。上司的暗示很明确,这里不行,但是到香港你随便折腾,反正也不关日本警方的事。而且电影还展现了无视规则,为报私仇蛮干带来的最大恶果:多名无辜路人丧命。这电影里日本警察的形象还真是不怎么样。不过话说回来,片中的香港警方也确实无能。总之对这种短平快电影的剧本是不能有太大期待的。就不论角色是否讨喜,不合理的地方本也不少。
打戏还是有看点的,尤其是最后决战很精彩。杨丽菁和西协美智子的打戏是很港味那种,哪怕挨揍,动作还是做得美观;藤岡桑那场就……流氓打架的感觉,倒是更有搏命的气势。电影大概也是想加点喜剧元素的,可惜完全不觉得好笑。
看到7.8分,已经能猜到这部戏不会太差,但整体看下来,并没有让人太印象深刻的地方,大马太神化了,完美了,降低戏剧冲突以及说服力。不如《跛豪》。那一两年黑帮传记片不少,而且演员还多半雷同,真的很容易串戏。比如报社孙社长这个角色,《跛豪》里也有他,还是个瘾君子。黄光亮的角色不是《跛豪》就是《雷洛》里有他,一开始是一个好帮手,后来自己水平上不去被刘华嫌弃了。
看到7.8分,已经能猜到这部戏不会太差,但整体看下来,并没有让人太印象深刻的地方,大马太神化了,完美了,降低戏剧冲突以及说服力。不如《跛豪》。那一两年黑帮传记片不少,而且演员还多半雷同,真的很容易串戏。比如报社孙社长这个角色,《跛豪》里也有他,还是个瘾君子。黄光亮的角色不是《跛豪》就是《雷洛》里有他,一开始是一个好帮手,后来自己水平上不去被刘华嫌弃了。
有几个戏位还可以。
1,阿十单挑龙虎兄弟。阿十看出是两兄弟使计吞并了字花摊。将两人一顿暴击。二人也是沉得住气,一直没自首这件事。唯一逻辑不通的是他们找的场外托儿,竟也如此忠心耿耿,未供出他们。这部分我不是很喜欢,因为太血腥了。
2,小马追利智前后两场戏也拍的很有意思。我不是包场了,我是把这里买下来了。霸气到不行!利智这个角色太平淡了,除了后面挑拨两兄弟的关系,还收了“何勇”这个反骨仔,什么忙都帮不上,剧里也没几幕亮出自己的本钱。
3,有点尴尬的是,洋人漏胸那场戏。当然黑帮片里,这一点点尺度不算什么。奈何我是跟家里长辈一起看这部电影,而且是女长辈,一下子尴尬就拉满了。
4,最后大马跟雷老师的斗智斗勇那场戏,按道理应该是精彩的,调虎离山,乘机救走细佬。但我总还是隐隐觉得少了一点戏味,还是太简单了些。
5,说到简单,没想到崩牙驹死的居然那么轻易。小十也是,出来暗杀人,结果被人反杀。说好的三天以后给答复,也变成了对两兄弟的追杀,还赔上了王老吉。
改天可以再重温刘华的《雷洛传》,把这六七十年代的四大探长,四大家族,跛豪等等好好重温一遍,无限期待翁导的《风再起时》。
我也想陪一个人很久很久,但是那个人不要我了,我只能一个人走了。九饼和薄荷友情之上恋人未满,九饼的小心翼翼,一直陪着薄荷,我也想一直陪着那个人。不需要当做恋人,也不需要当做朋友,就当做家人吧,可以陪着你就行了,平常偶尔知道你过得很好就行了,有困难了再来找我,可惜啊,我们早已成了陌生人了。
我也想陪一个人很久很久,但是那个人不要我了,我只能一个人走了。九饼和薄荷友情之上恋人未满,九饼的小心翼翼,一直陪着薄荷,我也想一直陪着那个人。不需要当做恋人,也不需要当做朋友,就当做家人吧,可以陪着你就行了,平常偶尔知道你过得很好就行了,有困难了再来找我,可惜啊,我们早已成了陌生人了。
打五星的是认真的吗?电视剧主要靠的是故事,再华丽的颜值也拯救不了垃圾的剧情。集合了各种老套剧情,也就配角比较好一点,男女主却一直在误会和解释误会中度过,男主中央空调,女主玛丽苏也是很配了,但是一句话能说清的非要演个好几集,现在的剧大概就是靠这个注水的吧!真心不想看他俩在那扯皮,有那个功夫还不如看配角谈恋爱呢。bug太多无力吐槽了,白瞎了这剧的颜值和优秀的打光师
打五星的是认真的吗?电视剧主要靠的是故事,再华丽的颜值也拯救不了垃圾的剧情。集合了各种老套剧情,也就配角比较好一点,男女主却一直在误会和解释误会中度过,男主中央空调,女主玛丽苏也是很配了,但是一句话能说清的非要演个好几集,现在的剧大概就是靠这个注水的吧!真心不想看他俩在那扯皮,有那个功夫还不如看配角谈恋爱呢。bug太多无力吐槽了,白瞎了这剧的颜值和优秀的打光师
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实在是最近剧荒才把这部剧拿出来看,当初刚出的时候,看了第一集因为感觉怪怪的,所以没看下去,当初可能因为觉得卡司不足吧。好吧,开始吐槽了。其实大部分的人设还是可以接受的,陈滢和阿moon现在也都很熟悉了,但第一,姚子羚那实在让人接受不能的伪文艺出轨,出轨了还要一路端着,特地制造分歧也不知道是为了什么。第二,最后吴祉默的那个风化案是什么鬼啊,强行给男主挖坑?为了突出四个女仔呢还是为了体现律师的专
实在是最近剧荒才把这部剧拿出来看,当初刚出的时候,看了第一集因为感觉怪怪的,所以没看下去,当初可能因为觉得卡司不足吧。好吧,开始吐槽了。其实大部分的人设还是可以接受的,陈滢和阿moon现在也都很熟悉了,但第一,姚子羚那实在让人接受不能的伪文艺出轨,出轨了还要一路端着,特地制造分歧也不知道是为了什么。第二,最后吴祉默的那个风化案是什么鬼啊,强行给男主挖坑?为了突出四个女仔呢还是为了体现律师的专业性?简直是让一个疯子强行带节奏。至于女主,因为自己过往经历就强行圣母,脑子呢?不知道在坚持什么。
以前烂尾见识的多了,无非是结局仓促或者故意不完美,但这个结局不知道写了是为了什么。
这部应该是诸多《倚天屠龙记》中最符合原著得了。契合原著也是大胡子相比别的制作人在翻拍金庸剧时候的特点。这也获得了许多金庸书迷的拥护。这部也不例外。但这部里面的许多细节却显示出了大胡子在制作时候的不走心和不细心。
首先是声音和色调的问题。声音的问题明显是制片方没有细心审核,许多地方不知道
这部应该是诸多《倚天屠龙记》中最符合原著得了。契合原著也是大胡子相比别的制作人在翻拍金庸剧时候的特点。这也获得了许多金庸书迷的拥护。这部也不例外。但这部里面的许多细节却显示出了大胡子在制作时候的不走心和不细心。
首先是声音和色调的问题。声音的问题明显是制片方没有细心审核,许多地方不知道怎么回事,角色声音的音调和音色明显变了,听着出戏。难道当时审核的时候没有发现吗?明显不细心啊。至于色调问题,大胡子对于这种色调在《神雕侠侣》的时候就开始用了,当时我就不喜欢,但是还可以接受。这部剧里变本加厉的使用,经常就黄澄澄的一片,什么情况啊。这种色调偶尔用一下,那是锦上添花,过分使用就会影响整部剧的质量啊。
说到还原原著的问题。我是很喜欢金庸剧还原金庸小说原著的。因为金庸的小说可不是现在那些流行的热门IP可比的,那可是金庸先生经过数次认真修订的小说,情节紧凑,跌宕起伏,没有过分的bug,而且许多情节前呼后应。所以,一旦导演的编剧自作聪明的更改情节,就会出现牵一发而动全身的现象,会改的面目全非。金庸的小说,本身就是一个非常好的故事,只要导演按照小说情节认真还原原著,就已经成功了一半。
但是这部剧的问题是,虽说大方向上还原了原著(这就保证了这部剧是一个完整的好故事),但是许多小细节却没有还原出来。比如,长大后周芷若第一次和殷离动手,没有让殷离说出周芷若其实赢了,只不过周芷若不想得罪人而已,显示出周芷若心机深重,城府深。比如"青翼出没一笑飏"也没拍出来,自然也没拍出这个情节
灭绝师太冷冷的道:“此人吸人颈血,残忍狠毒,定是魔教四王之一的‘青翼幅王’,早听说他轻功天下无双,果然是名不虚传,远胜于我。”
张无忌对灭绝师太本来颇存憎恨之心,但这时看她身遭大变,仍是丝毫不动声色,镇定如恒,而且当欢赞扬敌人,自愧不如,确是一派宗匠的风范,不由得心下钦服。
丁敏君恨恨的道:“他便是不敢和师父动手过招,一味奔逃,算甚么英雄?”
灭绝师太哼了一声,突然间拍的一响,打了她一个嘴巴,怒道:“师父没追上他,没能救得静虚之命,便是他胜了。胜负之数,天下共知,难道英雄好汉是自己封的么?”
丁敏君半边脸颊登时红肿,躬身道:“师父教训的是,徒儿知错了。”
这个情节,真正显示了灭绝师太一代宗师的风采,还有青翼蝠王出场的炫酷,没有拍实在太可惜了。
还有许多重要的,精彩的情节没有拍,可以看出大胡子这次拍《倚天屠龙记》,实在没有拍《射雕英雄传》、《天龙八部》,还有《碧血剑》这三部走心。
至于选角问题,我觉得还好了,没有大家说的那么差,演员演技也不错。邓超的张无忌中规中矩,安以轩的赵敏确实演出了赵敏的霸气,这点比贾静雯的赵敏好一些,贾静雯的赵敏有点太可爱了。
至于刘竞的周芷若,我觉得她演的挺不错的。前期的温柔和后期的霸气都演出来了,而且人家虽没有高圆圆漂亮,可也不丑啊。关键是这个周芷若后期的黑化,基本上是自己演出来的。不像是许多女角色那样,黑化完全靠眼线、眼影和大浓妆撑着。(高圆圆就是这么演的)
给何琢言的小昭点个赞,不仅漂亮、可爱。关键是确实隐隐约约有异域女子的风采。还有漂亮的灭绝师太,灭绝师太明明是个美女,可是各个版本拍出来全是。。。。哎,一言难尽啊。杨不悔演的也不错哦。
诗爷黄衫姐姐也挺好,颜值高,还演的挺有气度,就是那么长的衣服穿着不觉得不方便吗?明显是刘亦菲的小龙女换了一身黄色的衣服。不过正常,都是大胡子的作品嘛。
所以,综合下来,明明这部剧可以打四颗星的。但是由于大胡子制作团队的各种不走心,我给三颗星。
So I stopped at a Jack in the Box on the way here, and the girl behind the counter said, “Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?” Not, “How are you doing today?” No. “Are you having an So I stopped at a Jack in the Box on the way here, and the girl behind the counter said, “Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?” Not, “How are you doing today?” No. “Are you having an awesome day?” Which is pretty… shitty, because it puts the onus on me to disagree with her, like if I’m not having an “awesome day,” suddenly I’m the negative one. Usually when people ask how I’m doing, the real answer is I’m doing shitty, but I can’t say I’m doing shitty because I don’t even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say, “I’m doing shitty,” then they say, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I have to be like, “I don’t know, all of it?” So instead, when people ask how I’m doing, I usually say, “I am doing so great.” But when this girl at the Jack in the Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought, “Well, today I’m actually allowed to feel shitty.” Today I have a good reason, so I said to her, “Well, my mom died,” and she immediately burst into tears. So now I have to comfort her, which is annoying, and meanwhile, there’s a line of people forming behind me who are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box girl cry. And she’s bawling, and she’s saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” and I’m like, “It’s fine. It’s fine.” I mean, it’s not fine but, you know, it’s… fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal, and I’ve kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less with the crying and more with the frying, huh? [inhales] And the girl apologizes again and she offers me a free churro with my meal. And as I’m leaving, I think, “I just got a free churro because my mom died.” No one ever tells you that when your mom dies, you get a free churro. [people murmuring] [clears throat] Anyway, I’m sorry, that’s not part of the… [clears throat] All right. Okay, here we go. Let’s do this. Here I am, BoJack Horseman, doing a eulogy, let’s go. Hey, piano man, can I get a, like an organ flourish? [organ plays] Nicely done. You know, I was a little worried I wouldn’t have the right accompaniment today. I guess it’s a good thing my mom was an organ donor! [rimshot plays] What happened to the organ? [horn ‘oogahs’] Okay, why just leave the comedy to the professionals? Okay? This is a funeral, sir, for my mother. Can you show a little respect? [trumpet whines] I’ll take it. Beatrice Horseman, who was she? What was her deal? Well, she was a horse. Uh, she was born in 1938. She died in 2018. One time, she went to a parade, and one time, she smoked an entire cigarette in one long inhale. I watched her do it. Truly a remarkable woman. [rustling] Lived a full life, that lady. Just, all the way to the end, which is, uh, now I guess. Really makes you think, though, huh? Life, right? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die. Okay, well that’s my time, you’ve been great! Tip your waitress! No, I’m just kidding around, there’s no waitress. But seriously, that’s all I have to say about my mother. No point beating a dead horse, right? So… [inhales] Now what? I don’t know. Mom, you got any ideas? Anything? Mom? No? Nothing to contribute? Knock once if you’re proud of me. Can I just say how amazing it is to be in a room with my mother, and I can just talk and talk without her telling me to shut up and make her a drink? Hey, Mom, knock once if you think I should shut up. No? You sure? I mean, I don’t want to embarrass you by making this eulogy into a me-logy, so, seriously, if you wanted me to sit down and let someone else talk, just knock. I will not be offended. No? Your funeral. Sorry about the closed casket, by the way. She wanted an open casket, but uh, you know, she’s dead now, so who cares what she wanted? No, that sounds bad. I’m sorry. I-I think that if she could’ve seen what she looked like dead, she’d agree it’s better this way. She looked like this. [groaning] [mourners gasping] Kinda like a pissed-off toy dinosaur. The coroner couldn’t get her eyes closed, so now her face is forever frozen in a mask of tremendous horror and anguish. Or as my mom called it, Tuesday! Tuesday! My mom called it Tuesday. [woman coughs] Hey, Mom, what did you think of that joke? You like that? You never did care for my comedy. [clears throat] Here’s a story. When I was a teenager, I performed a comedy routine for my high school talent show. There was this, uh, cool jacket that I wanted to wear because I thought it would make me look like Albert Brooks. For months, I saved up for this jacket. But when I finally had enough, I went to the store and it was gone. They had just sold it to someone else. So, I went home and I told my mother, and she said, “Let that be a lesson. That’s the good that comes from wanting things.” She was really good at dispensing life lessons that always seemed to circle back to everything being my fault. But then, on the day of the talent show, my mother had a surprise for me. She had bought me the jacket. Even though she didn’t know how to say it, I know this meant that she loved me. Now that’s a good story about my mother. It’s not true, but it’s a good story, right? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when I was a kid, where she talks about her father. I remember when I saw it, thinking, “That’s the kind of story I want to tell about my parents when they die.” But I don’t have any stories like that. All I know about being good, I learned from TV. And in TV, flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think that part of me still believes that’s what love is. But in real life, the big gesture isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependably good. You can’t just screw everything up and then take a boat out into the ocean to save your best friend, or solve a mystery, and fly to Kansas. You need to do it every day, which is so… hard. When you’re a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough, that even though your parents aren’t what you need them to be over and over and over again, at any moment, they might surprise you with something… wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof that even though my mother was a hard woman, deep down, she loved me and cared about me and wanted me to know that I made her life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting. Hey, Mom, knock once if you love me and care about me and want me to know I made your life a little bit brighter. [owl chirping] My mother did not go gentle into that good night. She went clawing and fighting and thrashing, hence the face. [groaning] [mourners gasping] If you’d seen her, I swear to God the only thing you’d be thinking about right now is that I am nailing this impression. [woman clears her throat] [chairs squeak] I was in the hospital with her those last moments, and they were truly horrifying, full of nonsencial screams and cries, but there was this moment, this one instant of strange calm, where she looked in my direction and said, “I see you.” That’s the last thing she said to me. “I see you.” Not a statement of judgment or disappointment, just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person in a room. “Hello there. You are a person. And I see you.” Let me tell you, it’s a weird thing to feel at 54 years old, that for the first time in your life your mother sees you. It’s an odd realization that that’s the thing you’ve been missing, the only thing you wanted all along, to be seen. And it doesn’t feel like a relief, to finally be seen. It feels mean, like, “Oh, it turns out that you knew what I wanted, and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.” I was prepared for more cruelty. I was sure that she would get in one final zinger about how I let her down, and about how I was fat and stupid and too tall to be an effective Lindy-hopper. How I was needy and a burden and an embarrassment—all that I was ready for. I was not ready for “I see you.” Only my mother would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection on her way out. But maybe I’m giving her too much credit. Maybe it wasn’t about connection. Maybe it was a… maybe it was an “I see you,” like, uh, “I see you.” Like, “You might have the rest of the world fooled, but I know exactly who you are.” That’s more my mom’s speed. Or maybe she just literally meant “I see you. You are an object that has entered my field of vision.” She was pretty out of it at the end, so maybe it’s dumb to try to attribute it to anything. [woman sighs] Back in the 90s, I was in a very famous TV show called Horsin’ Around. [man coughs] Please hold your applause. And I remember one time, a fan asked me, “Hey, um, you know that episode where the horse has to give Ethan a pep talk after Ethan finds out his crush only asked him to the dance because her friends were having a dorkiest date contest? In all the shots of the horse, you can see a paper coffee cup on the kitchen counter, but in the shots of Ethan, the coffee cup’s missing. Was that because the show was making a statement about the fluctuant subjectivity of memory and how even two people can experience the same moment in entirely different ways?” And I didn’t have the heart to be, like, “No, man, some crew guy just left their coffee cup in the shot.” So instead, I was, like… “Yeah.” And maybe this is like that coffee cup. Maybe we’re dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing. Maybe when someone says, “I see you,” it just means, “I see you.” Then again, it’s possible she wasn’t even talking to me because, if I’m being honest, she wasn’t really looking at me. She was looking just past me. There was nobody else in the room, so I want to think she was talking to me, but, honestly, she was so far gone at that point, who knows what she was seeing? Who were you talking to, Mom? [sighs] Not saying, huh? Staying mum? No rimshot there? God, whatever I’m paying you, it’s too much. Maybe she saw my dad. My dad died about ten years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When your father dies, you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like, “Wait, did you say he died in a duel?” and “Who dies in a duel?” The whole thing was so stupid. Dad spent his entire life writing this book, but he couldn’t get any stores to carry it or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess this one newspaper thought he was pretty hilarious, because they ran a review and tore him to shreds. So my father, ever the proud Mary, decided he would not stand for this besmirchment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn’t understand what it meant to be a man, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn. He wrote the paper this letter, saying anyone who didn’t like his book, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world. He’d even pay for airfare to San Francisco and a night in a hotel. Well, eventually this found its way to some kook in Montana, who was as batshit as he was and took him up on the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed: ten paces, then shoot. But in the middle of the ten paces, Dad turned to ask the guy if he’d actually read the book and what he thought, but, not looking where he was going, tripped over an exposed root and bashed his head on a rock. [murmur] I wish I’d known to go to Jack in the Box then. Maybe I could have gotten a free churro. It would’ve been nice to have something to show for being the son of Butterscotch Horseman. My darling mother gave the eulogy. My entire life I never heard her say a kind word to or about my father, but at his funeral she said, “My husband is dead, and everything is worse now.” “My husband is dead, and everything is worse now.” I don’t know why she said that. Maybe she felt like that’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to say at a funeral. Maybe she hoped one day someone would say that about her. “My mother is dead, and everything is worse now.” Or maybe she knew that he had frittered away all her inheritance, and replaced it with crippling debt, which is a pretty shitty thing to leave your widow with. “Bad news, you lost a husband, but don’t worry, you also lost the house!” Maybe Mom knew she’d have to sell all her fancy jewelry and move into a home. Maybe that’s what she meant by “everything is worse now.” Is that what you meant, Mom? I gotta say, I’m really carrying this double act. At least with Penn and Teller, the quiet one does card tricks. Hey, piano man, when I say something funny to my mom, how about you give me one of those rimshots? [rimshot plays] Yeah, but not now. When I say something funny. Like, okay. What’s the difference between my mother and a disruptive expulsion of germs? One’s a coughin’ fit and the other fits a coffin! That’s an example of a funny thing. [rimshot plays] Thank you. Let’s try again. Hey, Mom. What’s the difference between my mother and a bunch of Easter eggs? One gets carried in a basket, the other gets buried in a casket! [rimshot plays] Ready for one more? Last one. What’s the difference between a first-year lit major and my mother, Beatrice Horseman? One is decently read, and the other’s a huge bitch! [woman gasps] [murmurs] Yeah, might have gone a little too far with that one. That one might’ve been a little too “my mom’s a huge bitch” for the room. I’m sorry, Mother. You’re not a huge bitch. You were a huge bitch… and now you’re dead. [woman sighs] You know, the first time I ever performed in front of an audience, it actually was, uh, with my mom. She used to put on these shows with her supper club in the living room and she used to make… [inhales] She used to make me sing “The Lollipop Song.” [organ playing tune] Those parties, they were really something. There were skits and magic acts, and ethnically insensitive vaudeville routines, and the big finale was always a dance my mother did. She had this beautiful dress that she only brought out for these parties, and she did this incredible number. It was so beautiful and sad. Dad hated the parties. He’d lock himself in the study, and bang on the walls for us to keep it down, but he always came out to see Mom dance. He’d linger in the doorway, scotch in hand, and watch in awe, as this cynical, despicable woman he married… took flight. And as a child who was completely terrified of both my parents, I was always aware that this moment of grace, it meant something. We understood each other in a way. Me and my mom and my dad, as screwed up as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother, she knew what it’s like to feel your entire life like you’re drowning, with the exception of these moments, these very rare, brief instances, in which you suddenly remember… you can swim. [flashback] [partygoers laughing] [classical music playing] But then again, mostly not. Mostly you’re drowning. She understood that, too. And she recognized that I understood it. And Dad. All three of us were drowning, and we didn’t know how to save each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. And I would like to think that that’s what she meant when we were in the hospital and she said, “I see you.” You know, the weird thing about both your parents being dead is it means that you’re next. I mean, you know, obviously it’s not like there’s a waitlist for dying. Any one of us could get run over by a Snapchatting teen at any moment. And you would think that knowing that would make us more adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, and stupid, and petty. I actually had a near-death experience recently. A stunt went bad and I fell off a building. I’m an actor, I do my own stunts. I’m on this new show Philbert. I’m Philbert. Star of the show. It hasn’t come out yet, but it’s already getting Emmy buzz. Oh, speaking of buzz… [inhales] I’m supposed to take two of these every morning, but my days are so screwed up ‘cause of the shooting schedule, I don’t even know what morning means anymore. There’s a joke in there somewhere, about a guy who’s been to so many funerals, he doesn’t even know what mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure that one out for yourselves. [gulps] Anyway, you know what I thought, when I was falling off the building and I went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain could come up with before I died? “Won’t they be sorry.” Cool thought, brain. [rimshot plays] No, that wasn’t… would you just… dial it back, all right? I don’t even know what “they” I wanted to be sorry. My mom, even before she died, could barely remember who I was. And of course, my dad’s dead. The last conversation I ever had with him was about his novel. He was so certain this book was his legacy. Maybe he thought it would vindicate him for all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid worthless life. Maybe it did, I don’t know. I never read it, because why would I give him that? I used to be on this TV show called Horsin’ Around. Seriously, though, hold your applause. [man coughs] Well held. It was written by my friend Herb Kazzaz, who’s also dead now, and it starred this little girl named Sarah Lynn. And it was about these orphans. And early on, the network had a note, “Maybe don’t mention they’re orphans so much, because audiences tend to find orphans sad and not relatable.” But I never thought that the orphans were sad. I-I always thought they were lucky, because they could imagine their parents to be anything they wanted. They had something to long for. Anyway, we did this one season finale, where Olivia’s birth mother comes to town. And she was a junkie, but she’s gotten herself cleaned up, and she wants to be in Olivia’s life again. And of course, she’s like a perfect grown-up version of Olivia, and they go to the mall together and get her ears pierced like she’s always wanted and—sorry, spoiler alert for the season six finale of Horsin’ Around, if you’re still working your way through it. Anyway, the horse tries to warn her, “Be careful, moms have a way of letting you down.” But Olivia just thinks the horse is jealous, and when the mom says she’s moving to California, Olivia decides to go with her. And the network really juiced the cliffhanger: “Is Olivia gone for good?” But of course, because it’s a TV show, she was not gone for good. Of course, because it’s a TV show, Olivia’s mother had a relapse and had to go back to rehab, so Olivia had to hitchhike all the way home, getting rides from Mr. T, Alf, and the cast of Stomp. Of course, that’s what happened. Because, what are you gonna do, just not have Olivia on the show? You can’t have happy endings in sitcoms, not really, because, if everyone’s happy, the show would be over, and above all else, the show… has to keep going. There’s always more show. And you can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad, or unrealistic, but there is nothing more realistic than that. You never get a happy ending, ‘cause there’s always more show. I guess until there isn’t. [chuckles] My mom would hate it if she knew that I spent so much time at her funeral talking about my old TV show. Or maybe she’d think it was funny that her idiot son couldn’t even do this right. Who knows? She left no instructions for what she wanted me to say. All I know is she wanted an open casket, and her idiot son couldn’t even do that right. I’m not gonna stand up here and pretend I ever understood how to please that woman, even though so much of my life has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out. But I keep going back to that moment in the ICU when she looked at me, and… “I-C-U.” “I… see… you.” Jesus Christ, we were in the intensive care unit. She was just reading a sign. My mom died and all I got was this free churro. You know the shittiest thing about all of this? Is when that stranger behind the counter gave me that free churro, that small act of kindness showed more compassion than my mother gave me her entire goddamn life. Like, how hard is it to do something nice for a person? This woman at the Jack in the Box didn’t even know me. I’m your son! All I had was you! [inhales] I have this friend. And right around when I first met her, her dad died, and I actually went with her to the funeral. And months later, she told me that she didn’t understand why she was still upset, because she never even liked her father. It made sense to me, because I went through the same thing when my dad died. And I’m going through the same thing now. You know what it’s like? It’s like that show Becker, you know, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run of that show, hoping that it would get better, and it never did. It had all the right pieces, but it just—it couldn’t put them together. And when it got canceled, I was really bummed out, not because I liked the show, but because I knew it could be so much better, and now it never would be. And that’s what losing a parent is like. It’s like Becker. Suddenly, you realize you’ll never have the good relationship you wanted, and as long as they were alive, even though you’d never admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding on to that chance. And you didn’t even realize it until that chance went away. My mother is dead, and everything is worse now, because now I know I will never have a mother who looks at me from across a room and says, “BoJack Horseman, I see you.” But I guess it’s good to know. It’s good to know that there is nobody looking out for me, that there never was, and there never will be. No, it’s good to know that I am the only one that I can depend on. And I know that now and it’s good. It’s good that I know that. So… it’s good my mother is dead. [gulps, sighs] Well. No point beating a dead horse. Beatrice Horseman was born in 1938, and she died in 2018, and I have no idea… what she wanted. Unless she just wanted what we all want… to be seen. Is this Funeral Parlor B? —— from Reddit
最近的热搜几乎都被春节档大片承包了,这也难怪,院线电影沉寂了一年,可不得抓住几乎好好宣传宣传。然而就是在这么激烈的竞争下,有一部悄咪咪开播的小甜剧竟然还能屡屡上热搜,说的就是——
《玲珑狼心》
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最近的热搜几乎都被春节档大片承包了,这也难怪,院线电影沉寂了一年,可不得抓住几乎好好宣传宣传。然而就是在这么激烈的竞争下,有一部悄咪咪开播的小甜剧竟然还能屡屡上热搜,说的就是——
《玲珑狼心》